i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
