sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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