yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
