oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
