okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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