Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize