I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love having hate sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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