i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
