I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
try to milk me bitch
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