like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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