I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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