so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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