She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
