I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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