he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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