i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
