I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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