You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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