There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
