its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
