I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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