I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
