Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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