remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
