I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
