allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
