If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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