Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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