...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
