I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
