I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
