Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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