Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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