I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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