So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
