She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So squirting runs in the family.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
