I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
