I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
