my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
