This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
