apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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