I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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