My boss' voice literally gives me gas
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize