if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
