finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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