btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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