Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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