yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
