this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
