I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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