What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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