she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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