U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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