Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
