Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
