Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
